my dear darling,
it still feels like yesterday when i could touch, see and talk to you.
now all i have are memories of a time when i was also young and impressionable, a time i didn't realise that i would have to recall just to keep you alive. i mistakenly assumed we'd be around each other much longer than the 19 years you were alive.
i watch as time passes by and the intensity of the pain just doesn't seem to be subsiding. instead, i find i am stuck wondering.... holding on...
your loss has left me speechless, still... pain used to be a source of inspiration, a space that allowed me to wallow and write with a flow that happy never seems to bring... but now, silence seems best. this kind of pain wants me to sit down and listen to it... threatens to paralyse me when i least expect it... how can i draw inspiration from that?
pain and loss now have a new name in my head - they are permanent reminders of you... i have gained new respect for them..
still, the thought of you is a mixture of nostalgia with a dash of tearful reminiscing...
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