child gone

my dear darling,

it still feels like yesterday when i could touch, see and talk to you.
now all i have are memories of a time when i was also young and impressionable, a time i didn't realise that i would have to recall just to keep you alive. i mistakenly assumed we'd be around each other much longer than the 19 years you were alive.

i watch as time passes by and the intensity of the pain just doesn't seem to be subsiding. instead, i find i am stuck wondering.... holding on...

your loss has left me speechless, still... pain used to be a source of inspiration, a space that allowed me to wallow and write with a flow that happy never seems to bring... but now, silence seems best. this kind of pain wants me to sit down and listen to it... threatens to paralyse me when i least expect it... how can i draw inspiration from that?

pain and loss now have a new name in my head - they are permanent reminders of you... i have gained new respect for them..

still, the thought of you is a mixture of nostalgia with a dash of tearful reminiscing...

meaning of nothingness

is it emptiness?
is it clarity?
one moment of sudden realisation?
how do you know when nothing's left?
how do you bring it back?
can nothingness even respond?
is it meant to jolt you into action?
is it an eye opener?
should it lead to something?