conundrum

does my body even speak the same language as my mind?
let me check...
ah...
not at present...

mid-air

i keep on having these conversations in my head about stuff... had promised myself that i would try to write with proper sentences, punctuation at the right points, colour my prose with good grammar and weirdly interesting vocabulary...

but that's not me, that's not how i do this....

so i will continue capturing my sentences mid-air, breaking my thoughts abruptly with misplaced commas and full stops and colons... at least i should plough the dictionary for wonderfully bombastic terms to confuse people... cos that's what high-brow language is meant to do, right?... intimidate the shit out of the reader...

where'shome?

often i wonder what it would be like to live in another country
adopt it as home
the fear alone is probably what has kept me at home, in Cape Town!
how else do i explain it?
lately i have had the itch
but truth be told, i'm not sure how badly i want to scratch it
might just end up staying put...
i wander the same streets aimlessly
looking something
for someone, even...
where is this place called home?
it certainly isn't the four walls
in which i sleep at night...
maybe it's this messed up state of mind i am in...
the disappointment of not being able to find that 'thing',
that 'thing', that will put it all in perspective..
maybe there is no 'thing'...
meantime, i need to rebuild my home...
centre my thoughts
and keep my eyes on the prize...

don't stop giving

giving at will leaves us feeling good about ourselves.
we pat our backs and carry on.
how much heavier is the burden
to give because another's survival
depended on it?
how much harder is it on anyone's shoulders
to have to give when you have nothing in your pocket?
no reserves.
the guilt. endless.

what they never tell you is that you will finally reach the destination,
and you will not get off the bus because you're not quite sure which street to take
even though there is only, really, one direction
what you will know for sure,
is that your heart will have long agreed to take that journey.
i throw a pebble up in the sky
where will it land?
should i follow it?
make a quick wish before it starts raining